TFKoP’s Toolshed

This new feature at TFKoP will involve putting tools where they belong…in a toolshed.

The first tool in the shed will be Pennsylvania Republican Senator Arlen Specter.

"I do not look like Droopy Dog."

Arl...can I call you Arl?...it was fantastic in 2004 when you beat ultra-scary-right-wing conservative Pat Toomey for the Senate seat you now hold. And your criticisms of the nitwit currently in the White House have been well-warranted. But what the hell dude….would you please just give up on your empty quest to investigate the New England Patriots and instead focus on the job you were elected for? If I’m not mistaken, Philadelphia has an out-of-control murder rate and a police force that has again been video-recorded beating a suspect. Aren’t you responsible for policing your own state’s problems instead of chasing after a sports team that has already been severely punished for having been caught cheating in the over-exposed Spygate investigation? And now that the alleged tape of the pre-Super Bowl walk-through of the St Louis Rams has been proven to have never even existed, there is no case. None. The Patriots have paid the fine, lost the draft pick and lost a lot of clout in the eyes of millions. So, Mr. Specter, just what the fuck are you doing?

Oh, wait, I know. Wasting everybody’s time. Yeah, that’s it.

"I do not look like Arlen Specter."

Here’s what we’ll have to look forward to from this clown: the single video-camera theory. “Well, you see..ahem…if you look over here at the grassy knoll along the sidelines, you can see…cough cough…that there is a video camera that is definitely aimed at the coach’s hands. But then you see that the camera changes direction and aims at the defensive coach before lodging its focus on the quarterback’s hand signals…”

What an idiot.

Me thinks that his time would be better spent focusing on an issue that has haunted his own favorite football team, the Philadelphia Eagles. I seem to remember an issue last year with the Eagles’ head coach’s two sons being involved in drugs and illegal weapons. They had to have gotten this stuff from somewhere in Pennsylvania, maybe New Jersey, right? Wouldn’t Specter's role as Chairman of the Judiciary Committee be better spent tracking down and removing felons…you know, actual CRIMINALS...from the streets of his state and our country instead of pursuing frivolous cases in which the cheaters have already been caught and punished? It certainly would’ve helped Mr. Andy Reid and his family if the criminals who were obviously so readily available to his kids, leading them into such an unfortunate lifestyle and consequence, had been pursued Arlen and the justice system.

He's lucky that his Eagles won’t be playing the Patriots this year. The Patriots will demolish his little birds. At least we’ll get the chance to experience what that would feel like on August 22 when they play a pre-season game. I know I know…pre-season football means about as much as a promise from George Bush…but it’ll be nice to watch the dismantling of the Eagles. (Note: I hate saying that about the Eagles cuz I like them. After 12 years of living in Philly, the Eagles did become part of my football life…not above the Patriots by any stretch of the imagination…but they’re definitely number 2 in my book.)

So, it’s with a great deal of undistinguishedness (is that a word?), that Arlen Specter becomes the first person inducted into the TFKoP Toolshed.