Happy Valen-fuckin-tine's Day

Whoopee. It's Valentine's Day. A holiday created by a greeting card company to increase its profits by telling people that TODAY, more than any other day, you should tell your significant other how much you love them. Since you haven't been telling your loved one how much they mean to you at any point prior to today, it's time to do it. Yes, all of you couples are apparently so stupid that it takes a made-up holiday to get you to love each other. And amazingly, everyone buys into this.

So, I guess, I'll wish all of you a happy Valentine's Day, and I hope that after all of your flower and candy exchanging, after all of the dining out or homecooked meals, after all the 3 or 4 rounds of bootknocking that you do throughout today and tonight, and all of the little kisses and "I love you"s, you find that you're able to do all of this again tomorrow or the next day.

If not, remember you'll have your chance to do it again one year from today. And don't worry about forgetting the date, the greeting card companies will begin reminding you around the middle of next January.

And hey, greeting card companies, how about making up a holiday for everyone who is single. Yeah we don't have flowers to buy for each other, and we probably wouldn't go out to eat, but we'd probably exchange cards with other singles. And, like the couples on Valentine's Day, we would end the day in bed with the one we love most (ourself), and who knows, maybe even get lucky. Twice.

What would the "singles day" holiday be called? Happy Solitary Day? Happy Not Tied Down Day? Happy Not Having To Compromise on Anything Day? Happy Don't Have In-Laws to Hate You Day? Happy Grab a Tube Of Lube Day?